I get a lot of people wondering if their temperament type is “BAD”. Temperament is not BAD nor GOOD; it is what it is – your underlying tendency to be one way or another.
I got this question as a comment: i really want to know if it is bad to be a cholphleg (Choleric Phlegmatic) because I’m often teased of being violently angry.
To which I reply: There is no absolute good or bad when it comes to our temperament; our temperament “just is”. Remember that temperament isn’t alone in how we react to the world. Our personality is our temperament plus our life experience. If you had the example of someone else who got very angry then you might have that as well.
Having said that, a Choleric Phlegmatic isn’t usually prone to angry outbursts. A Choleric Phlegmatic is usually straightforward in how they behave but not particularly accommodating. In other words, “I’ll do it my way and if you don’t like it – tough”.
Every temperament has strengths and weaknesses; you may want to explore what other issues cause you to be so angry.
I read about what u say about the personality types and I would like to know if a choleric/melancholy is compatible with a choleric/melancholy – the same personality.
My boyfriend has the same temperament as me and I would like to know if that makes sense. I am not completely sure if I am a choleric melancholy I may also be a sanguine. I wish my bf to be more relaxed and funny and not so serious all the time and he as well wants me to be more serious and not so “childish”. Is it possibe to work on the relationship that we get along and not be annoyed about the other person’s personality? Are we even compatible?
Susanne
And I reply:
Two Cholerics can get long ONLY if they both share the same ideals and beliefs.And that is NOT common.If he considers you “childish” you may have more Sanguine than you currently think.
Cholerics are most frustrated with Sanguines – they are bothered by what they consider meaningless talk.
Since you cannot change another person’s temperament, you either have to get along naturally, learn coping skills, or “agree to disagree” on topics that cause strife.
Hope that helps – you might want to seek out a more detailed Temperament test to refine your knowledge of your temperament type.
Hi Hal
Thank you for your article on confronting versus being assertive. And thank you for asking for feedback. First of all, I feel we have a seriously broken down way of communicating. Being assertive protects you but doesn’t seem to change other’s aggressive behavior. They just go find some else to beat down, take advantage of or prove they are right. How do you reach these folks to get them to change? How do you reach these people to realize how their behavior affect others? Why do the good, caring, loving people have to learn to defend, protect, and stand up to these bullies when it isn’t human nature to do so? Why do we have to look over our shoulder? Where did we go wrong in good ol’ fashion love and caring?
Why????
Cathy
And I replied:
Cathy -
I write extensively on natural human temperament and two of the four types are not naturally ‘loving and caring”. Choleric temperament types are hard-driving, straight ahead pushing types that care little for the feelings of others. Melancholy temperaments are highly analytical and critical and their comments can be seen as hurtful (though they will not perceive it that way).
Phlegmatic and Sanguine temperaments are more naturally warm and easy-going; and they don’t often understand why the other types seem so “mean”.
Read some of my articles on my Temperament blog at www.introvert.cc – insight can always help us cope better.
This is a malady known mostly to a Melancholy. The Melancholy temperament is highly detailed and organized. Their weaknesses include a tendency to analyze and criticize. Unfortunately this part of their make up can have unintended consequences.
A Melancholy may think you are wonderful in many ways – perhaps, if your boss, they like that you complete assignments in the proper way. If a “significant other” they may appreciate your attention to detail (assuming you’re not Sanguine!)
But if you get ‘on their bad side’ in an area; prepare to always be looked at critically in that area. This might be thought of as the ‘prosecuting attorney’ syndrome. In a trial, your defense attorney will do everything to raise ‘mitigating circumstances’ in your favor. They may bring in character witnesses or point out that you came from a broken home – anything to show that other circumstances should be considered when looking at your ‘crime’.
Don’t expect any of this to hold water with a Melancholy – you could be angelic in most areas but those mean nothing to the Melancholy. A Melancholy will put a compartment around your ‘bad’ area and will not let your many ‘good’ areas influence them.
If a Melancholy doesn’t recognize this, you will most likely need to learn to cope. A Melancholy will not be naturally inclined to look at your good areas and reduce their criticism of your ‘bad’ area. If this is the case your best approach is to keep that compartment clean and straight – otherwise it will always be a sore spot between you and the Melancholy.
I can state this with some certainty as I ARE one! The easy-going Phlegmatic temperament is the one that quietly gets along with most people. They are calm and not easily perturbed.
But every type has its weaknesses – the Phlegmatic has two: a tendency to worry and be anxious and a tendency to be lazy.
The rest of this post deals with ways I’ve learned to combat laziness – I say combat because I’ll probably never win the battle completely.
First – everyone is a blend of temperaments; one is primary and the other secondary. Use the strength of the secondary temperament to combat laziness. For example, I am a Phlegmatic Choleric – the Choleric is a hard driving “type A”. I often allow the strength of my secondary type to push through and finish tasks.
A Phlegmatic Melancholy can use the natural organizational talents of the Melancholy to organize tasks. A Phlegmatic Sanguine has no natural defense against laziness – but their Sanguine ability to interact with people might allow them to make themselves accountable to others for tasks being accomplished.
Which is another way of overcoming laziness – accountability. The term “accountability partner” usually infers someone we make ourselves accountable to. Find a friend or family member and ask them to prod (nag?) you till you finish the task.
Change the scene – staying in the same spot can foster a “who cares?” attitude. Invest in tools that allow you to work outside your normal workspace. Then pick a task, move away from your normal work area, and focus on the chosen task.
Deadlines – I almost hate using this one but a deadline can move you off the spot. The problem with this one is procrastination leading to a deadline can cause poor quality work. Use it with care.
Anyone having other ways of overcoming laziness is welcome to comment!
All of us need to be reminded of our true place in life from time to time. As an introverted personality type, I probably spend too much time considering my significance or lack thereof.
Unless you’re a master of modern mathematics, it’s almost impossible to imagine both how incredibly much smaller the universe is from us (down to the sub-atomic level) and how incredibly much larger the universe is from us (up to the level of galaxies).
C. S. Lewis said, in Mere Christianity, “Besides being complicated, reality, in my experience, is usually odd. It is not neat, not obvious, not what you expect.”
So today for your amazement and amusement is a link to the pale blue dot – a picture of our earth taken from by Voyager I from a distance of 3.7 Billion miles from earth.
Carl Sagan convinced mission control to turn the cameras of the space probe back on where it had come from – this is our earth from a distance 50 times that from the earth to the sun (93 million miles).
Does it make you think? Does it make you a bit introspective? Do you feel significant? Insignificant?
What constitutes our significance? Our buildings? Our science? How about our kindness and love and caring for one another?
Thanks to my friend and fellow introvert and (may I say) ‘geek’, Mike, I have the ability to look and see how folks find my blogs. There is a list that shows what was entered into a search engine that led them to this site.
Here are some of the search strings that have been used:
-Choleric and Phlegmatic and Marriage
-Networking Introvert
-Sanguine and Melancholy in Marriage
-Am I an introvert or shy extrovert?
-Introvert Jobs
-Shy introverted
-Melphleg phlegmatic personality
-Cholerics Sanguines compatible
-Basic problems of choleric person
I realize I’m still amazed by this ‘intarweb thingy’ but these searchs come from all over the planet!
And there seems to be a consistent seeking of information on temperament and personality. Therefore, I’ll just keep on posting ‘stuff’ concerning your temperament and how it affects your daily life.
Did you know that psychologists have studied introverts and extroverts? This article says that introversion is visible in infancy and remains stable through adolescence. So much for my parents saying, “he’ll grow out of it.”
On a “lighter” note, from the “wow, I didn’t know that!” department, The Center for Atmospheric Research has determined that a single large cumulus cloud in a summer sky weighs (wait for it, waaaait for it) 550 tons.
Something for introverts and extroverts alike to ponder.
I’m re-running a few of my favorites. There is a whole series of Dilbert cartoons where Wally is on sabbatical in his cubicle. He keeps sending out old memos and emails. Well, at least I added a new sentence at the beginning!
Since introverts tend to be more introspective – I’ve been saving links to sites that tend to make ME introspective. (For more on introspection, see my article here.)
Ken Galliott has taken the time to write a wonderful series of essays on all the reasons that “things are not as they seem”. Start your journey down the rabbit hole at his site called Seeking.
What makes you introspective? How much time do extroverts spend “looking inside themselves”? What is introspection good for? I believe we could all raise our level of interpersonal satisfaction if we would spend a bit more time doing some “inner exploration”.
