In a recent letter I was asked:

Hi Hal
Thank you for your article on confronting versus being assertive. And thank you for asking for feedback. First of all, I feel we have a seriously broken down way of communicating. Being assertive protects you but doesn’t seem to change other’s aggressive behavior. They just go find some else to beat down, take advantage of or prove they are right. How do you reach these folks to get them to change? How do you reach these people to realize how their behavior affect others? Why do the good, caring, loving people have to learn to defend, protect, and stand up to these bullies when it isn’t human nature to do so? Why do we have to look over our shoulder? Where did we go wrong in good ol’ fashion love and caring?

Why????

Cathy

And I replied:

Cathy -

I write extensively on natural human temperament and two of the four types are not naturally ‘loving and caring”.  Choleric temperament types are hard-driving, straight ahead pushing types that care little for the feelings of others.  Melancholy temperaments are highly analytical and critical and their comments can be seen as hurtful (though they will not perceive it that way).

Phlegmatic and Sanguine temperaments are more naturally warm and easy-going; and they don’t often understand why the other types seem so “mean”.

Read some of my articles on my Temperament blog at www.introvert.cc - insight can always help us cope better.

Hal Warfield